When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
