I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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