I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
