p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
