that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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