hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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