Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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