left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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