life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
