I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
