Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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