In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
