i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
