Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
