Don't make out with my wife yet
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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