im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
