Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
