420 ftw
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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