party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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