Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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