hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
