...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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