Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
