super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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