I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
