it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
