It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
