I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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