Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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