I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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