I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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