Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Can you bring me the toilet please
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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