I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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