It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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