i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
