My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
