I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
