Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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