My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
