I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize