Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
