i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
