I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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