6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
