I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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