I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Blood and glitter go together right?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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