I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
