Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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