He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
