i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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