I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
