yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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