I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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