I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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