I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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