guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Apparently you make a good broom.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My feet surprised me
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
