we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My dad is sitting where you rode me
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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