He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize