It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
