He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
