dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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