I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
