You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
How does it feel to date your dad?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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