Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
