So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm at about main and main street
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
