as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
