i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
