Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
