I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
