I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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