porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
