I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
