Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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