the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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