i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
