he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
