Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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