Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
