ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
