my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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