chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
