He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
