If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
