with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
