I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
