were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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