Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
