Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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