so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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