I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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