i need an iv and a liver transplant
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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