C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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