I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
