it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My vagina just recognized that song.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
